"What if I don't like any colors?"
If you're repelled by colors, you may well be repressing what they represent. Maybe you're struggling to communicate or not listening to yourself talk to a blank wall. Try to overcome that fear by incorporating some colorful pictures or furniture while living in the attic above you parents. Maybe you could find a job! At least then, you would surely be providing a nice rainbow to everyone else's day!

"What's the right age to start teaching my dog about sex?"
Take your dog’s age and multiply by four. If this number is less than your age then first decide if you are too young to know about sex. If the number is greater than your age then ask yourself if your dog should be teaching you.

"How do you tell which side of the potato chip is saltier?"
Lick one side twice and swallow. Wash your mouth out with water. Lick the other side twice and swallow. Wash your mouth out again. Repeat the above steps until you are hungry. Then slap the stupid out of yourself and move onto the hot pepper test.

"Is it okay to place my headphones in boiling water?”
This is one of the most ridiculous questions we have ever heard (by a vote of 5 to 3)! Of course it is! Just make sure you are not attached to them. Finally, no germs, no sound. Now go out and purchase a new set or maybe learn how to lip read instead.

"It rarely rains in NV. How do plants survive?"
Nevada is a very wonderful place to live. Sometimes though, in order to beautify our otherwise desert area, a creative idea must be implemented. We import all plant life fully grown from California. Then we just sit around, drink beer, and watch them die. This process is repeated over and over again.

"I had a bad day at work. What do I do?"
Blame it all on your boss. Tell him you don't remember spewing obscenities or throwing furniture. Sign nothing! Call 911 and tell them that you are not in control of your senses. It will get your boss off your back because of an apparent emotional break-down. And the big bonus... You'll get paid while going to counseling several times a week.

"If the signal is red for my direction and no one is around, is it safe to proceed?"
I'm sure you played 'red light, green light' as a child. The other kids probably beat you up for lying. So, you may be punished more severely by a semi if you continue to fudge on the rules of the road. Try relying on those good old memories to keep you safe.

"What if I can't finish navigating your site?"
What a candy-ass! Have you always had self-esteem problems or only since you developed teething problems? All the pages pass near the start-finish line. Our 'Give Me A Clue' stations will direct you safely onward. Having said all that, just finish... Cup Cake!

"If the signal is red for my direction and no one is around, is it safe to proceed?"
I'm sure you played 'red light, green light' as a child. The other kids probably beat you up for lying. So, you may be punished more severely by a semi if you continue to fudge on the rules of the road. Try relying on those good old memories to keep you safe.

"What if I can't finish navigating your site?"
What a candy-ass! Have you always had self-esteem problems or only since you developed teething problems? All the pages pass near the start-finish line. Our 'Give Me A Clue' stations will direct you safely onward. Having said all that, just finish... Cup Cake!

"How many people are there with my name, Mary?"
There are 4,351,735 people in the U.S. alone with the first name Mary. 99.66 percent of people with the first name Mary are female. The number of girls given the name Mary at birth has fallen 94 percent since 1961 to 2011. If you can stay alive until you are 100, other people named Mary are likely to be already dead. Your name will then be a rarity!

"How do I get spaghetti stains out of my underwear?"
You may not know this but, there is a recent invention called bleach. Add one cup of bleach to your bath and jump in. Watch the stains disappear before your eyes. Beware though as you’ll find that your skin color will be three shades lighter and you may need to sunbathe afterwards. Using a washer maybe a good alternative.

"How do I turn my computer monitor into a mirror?"
First, disconnect your computer power cord from the outlet. Place tinfoil behind a sheet of proportioned glass and scotch tape them together. Using packaging tape, firmly affix the glass against the front of the monitor. Presto! Discard the power cord so that you won't inadvertently electrocute yourself by reconnecting it.

"My is son having sex with a male friend. Is there a way to tell if he is gay?”
That’s a tuff one. It may be possible to determine dominance, however, you may have to wait and see if he enjoys a woman’s company in the same way. Don’t make a big deal out of it even if it comes down to you not having grandchildren.

"I'm sending strange emails to myself!"
It is not that unusual. I, or should I say we, do it all the time. It's late, you've had one too many drinks and you begin hitting the 'forward' button on your mail program. Pretty soon you are receiving all these mysterious replies. Then your brain gets overloaded and you begin drinking again. You stagger to the TV and watch a horror movie. Well, enough about us. What was your question?

"Is it fustrating to repie to rude questions?"
What I find frustrating (not fustrating) is to reply (not repie) to non-spell checking people. Rudeness is to the web what politeness is to the class room. So, tak an hevening class in your spere time and let a teechuer learn you how to cumnunicate proberly. Only then will you be able to inpress your femily and fiends.

"My wife said that I'm not a good partner. Help!"
You have to address her unhappiness and solve that issue directly. It definitely sounds like you need to sit down with her and talk about sports, or about the home projects you haven't finished, or about forgetting her birthday, or about why you called her by the wrong name. That should soften things up for some constructive dialogue!

"What colors would look best on me?"
It sounds as if you invested a lot of time with your family and friends (and anyone else for that matter) asking such a pivotal question. You've run out of contacts, so turning to the us for advice is as natural as slapping yourself in the face. We suggest wearing black and blue. These colors should match the bruising you'll received from the rest of the disinterested people.

"How do I get into the website business?"
I don't usually give out trade secrets, but here's one: Do all night studying for about 10 years. Don't work... Remember, starving will help you develop character. Wash the neighbors car a lot. Be nice to animals. Disconnect your phone... Nobody wants to talk to a self-proclaimed genius anyway.

"How well is your website marked?"
What do you expect me to say? That only an expert web surfer can follow our pages! If you get lost, it's probably because you didn't follow directions or followed someone who you assumed knew where they were going. We are definitely not in the MAZE business, so slap that dumb look off your face and try to rely on what common sense you have left.

"What type of shoes should I wear while here?"
What are you on, PROZAC? Hi-heels and golf spikes are not recommended. Neither are bowling shoes since they don't seem to go with anything. Because our site is not rocky, steep or hilly, many of viewers wear flats or slippers. However, whatever you wear will often get wet or smelly. Keep a clean pair of shoes handy.

"How do I bring 'funny' into a relationship?"
Show a man something funny and he will perform better at a creative task. Show a woman something that is equally funny, and there is no improvement. Put the man and woman together and, instead of humor carrying the day, the two effects cancel each other out. It's no use... Get over it and move on!

"Should I marry the jerk? My family says yes!"
Try to consider the jerk's point-of-view first. Perhaps there are some good qualities about him you've overlooked. Really think about it - Maybe life with him wouldn't be all that bad... Besides, you are not getting any younger.

"Why did you build such a weird site?"
Several years ago I was really in touch with the ladies. I would go to the singles bar and start up meaningful conversations. The chicks would come up with some eye-opening replies, like, "Why don't you work on your people skills." With all the positive feedback, how could I go wrong? After much internal deliberation, I created an on-line, intellectual zone. Boy, am I on track! Something had to give though... I cut out the partying.

"Is The World Wide Web Very Big?"
The WWW contains millions of sites called info molecules. Under the microscope you can see some useful sites (like ours), and a lot of bad ones too. You would need a looking device as big as a football field to view every last web site known to man. Some smart ass developed a very small telescope called a web browser. Even using such a goofy device, we estimate that it would take you 24 hours a day, 364 years to visit everything!